You are your own worst critic!d

 

My parents are so judgmental! [Fill in the name] always has something negative to say.” Are these things you have heard or even said before? How true are these statements? Well as a society, we are very opinionated. With the advent of social media, with all the likes, dislikes, clicks to our sites, and comments online daily we are inundated with opinions and, in many ways, actually seeking others’ opinions (or at least their approval). So what happens when you don’t get the approval or validation? If you crave affirmation and you don’t hear from others that you are doing a good job, how does that affect you? Or worse, if someone says something negative to you, what effect does it have on how you feel about yourself?

Now think about the voices that play all day long in your head? Have you even noticed that once you make a mistake, you can find yourself rehearsing what you did wrong and what you could have done better long after a solution is found? Have you ever mentioned something you were upset about with yourself to someone else and been told you were “making too much” out of it? Do you ever say these things to yourself “you’re stupid,” “why would you do that,?” “I’ll probably end up alone,” “I’ll never be able to figure this out,” “no one really likes or loves you?” If we took the time to think about what we are thinking aboutwe would realize just how damaging our words actually are. And, how our own opinions about ourselves are actually the most damaging because they are there long after other’s opinions and comments are over and they have moved on. 

Ok so now that you know it’s a problem, how do you fix it? 

1. Start the day with a positive affirmation that you say to yourself OUTLOUD and in the MIRROR. For example, if you are concerned about not being chosen for a project at work say something like “You are making an important contribution and you are valuable ” Then list some ways it is…such as as assisting your boss, or helping make those you serve lives easier

2. Start to identify the examples that nullify your negative thoughts. For instance, if you think that you are not liked by others think of ways this has been shown otherwise i.e., Others want to be around me, seek me out for advice, seem to enjoy time with me by smiling and laughing

3. Be kind to yourself in some little way every day. Make a list of things you enjoy and never get to do and do them! It can be as simple as saying no to something you do not want to do or turning off your phone and taking a much needed nap! 

4. Journal, Journal, Journal. Did I mention journal? It’s good for the soul and to get your thoughts out. Once they are out you can start to attack the negative ones for the lies that they are

5. Find a mantra! A mantra that signifies who you are or want to be. Maybe one from a poem, book, prayer, etc. you enjoy like “I’m a phenomenal woman, that’s me” Something you say repetitively about yourself that embodies who you want to be. The more you say it, the more you hear it, the more you embrace it, The more you believe it!!!

 
Brianna Gaynor